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This is not what I look like in the mirror

July 10, 2009
Actually the photos of me all over this website aren't what I look like either. In the mirror I can hold myself so I look like what I think I look like. And for the posed photos I take of myself, I adjust my body carefully, tilt my head this way and that, look over here and over there, and take loads of pictures most of which I erase or trash and keep only the ones I like — the ones that fit the version of me I've carefully constructed in my mind.

me at reception later pic posed
candid pic at reception
same day later posed

In life I don't have those options. When I'm walking past windows on the street and see myself, I look like some dumpy little old lady; when I'm shopping with girl friends and see us in a mirror together I look squat, drab, all washed out, with a flat head and big nose.

And the candid photos taken of me when I'm not posing unfortunately agree with those random sightings of myself I run into while innocently going about my life.

See the posed photo (at right) that I took for this blog and the candid one taken just a few hours earlier on the same day at a reception for some friends.

At my brother's wedding reception last year, the photos (below) looked a whole lot different than what I intended to look like when I was fixing my hair and deciding on the outfit.

me at wedding me at wedding
note that my sisters (at the end of the table) and Dad's wife (across from me) are not suffering from a bad-photo day. And my nieces are, as usual, gorgeous. So I suspect it's not a problem with the photography but the subject!

me at wedding me at wedding

On the right you see that frumpy old lady I'm turning into.

Actually the rejected posed photos can be even worse than the candid ones. And the ones I took with the "photobooth" on my laptop are the worst! I've kept (some of) them because I do realize that this is the way I actually look and I need to start revising the image I carry around in my head.

me me again
To get a better sense of these two you need to see them a bit bigger here.



current blog

June 21, 2009
"What's in a Name"

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